I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
