have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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