I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
