You can't motorboat a personality
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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