it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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