Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
