She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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