If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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