My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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