An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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