Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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