The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
