It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize