I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Randomize
