I will die if light touches me.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
