I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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