After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
