6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I will be naked everywhere
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
