Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
