It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Randomize