drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
