sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
