wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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