is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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