i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
