just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Sorry about my life...
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
