Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
