I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
