Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
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