i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
