I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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