I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize