whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
