My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
