You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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