I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
