so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
