Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
he thought i was a dude.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
