I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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