I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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