i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You are the jesus of drinking
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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