He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
