His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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