Your dad touched me again.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize