Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Where is the hickey?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i think i scared a bird with my dick
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
