Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
