It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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