and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
