Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
