also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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