I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
