somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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