I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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