Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
