I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
