Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
