i think my tv is drunk
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
