Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
This is my gift to your gina
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
