I've blown a few things in my day
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
