I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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