tell your sister to shave her snatch
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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