This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
