What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
