I'm so fucking centered right now
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize