it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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