1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
