so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
