I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
