so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
