Jerry, you need to find god
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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