Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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