summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
