just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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