you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
