just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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