I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
