chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
